Yes, the title says it all. This of course is was written about my first love. I was absolutely enamored with the boy (now man) for whom this was written about. He was a crush like no other. He looked like Robby Benson but with sandy brown hair and icy green eyes. At the time and in my memories, one of the cutest boys I'd ever known. When I was around him, I was so nervous, I couldn't even look him in the eyes so it's amazing I knew what color they were. I would be weak in the knees whenever he looked my way. He was a serious ladies' man back in the day as I would soon learn. As fate would have it, he went on to marry a girl with my first name, and as karma would have it, he had four daughters.

First Love

Sometimes, when I’m feeling down, I think about my past
And wonder why, with all my heart, it went by oh so fast
It seemed back then, as if it would, for me to never end
And most of all, it seemed as if my heart would never mend

Of course, the things I didn’t know were all I suffered from
But at that time, just peace of mind, for me would never come
I had to learn the hard way, no matter what the cost
And now that I think back to this, my childlike pride was lost

I fell, somehow, so easily, to wants and to desire
And even with my endless tears, I couldn’t fight the fire
With sweet soft words, he gained my trust and stole away my heart
And with his careless disregard, my life he tore apart

Though many years have passed, I wish two little words from him
And if I see him once again, I pray that I hear them
These words, if meant with all “his” heart, could change my point of view;
The two words are “I’m sorry” for what he put me through

And though it’s been so long ago, I sometimes wish he knew
The things I did because of him, before, I didn’t do
So many things, that I thought wrong, I used as if a tool
I was what he had made me be, and I looked like a fool

And then as he grew up a bit, he changed so very much
And by that time, I was far gone and longed not for his touch
If he’d just let me be the child I was and stayed away
He’d see that I was what he wanted the way I am today

But days gone by, we cannot change, and now it is so true
That we grew up, found happiness, and joy in what we do
We have our lives, our love, our home, and family most of all
Though not first love, a real true love, through winter, spring and fall

Yet sometimes deep within my mind, I still can see his face
And far within my deepest soul, I would I could erase
The hurt and shame he put on me while cheating me of youth
And though he thinks of me in ways that are by far the truth;
I know someday, in life’s own way, a thought will cross his soul
An ache within his heart so strong that guilt might take a toll
And maybe at that time he’ll know, that what he did was wrong
And know in hearts of little girls…that pain lasts much too long

©Lacy Gray, Author
Published January 5, 1995, Jeffersonville Evening News

©Lacy Gray, Author
Published January 12, 1995, Jeffersonville Evening News